"Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." He closed his eyes, shaking his head back and forth with half a smile on his beautiful face. It wasn't a happy smile. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."
He stared deep into my eyes with his sincere, earnest gaze. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."
He shook my shoulder, trying to loosen my rigid pose. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still for you to believe me so quickly." He winced. "That was...excruciating."
"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye---"
"You weren't going to let go, " he whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it--it felt like it would kill me to do it-- but I knew that if I couldn't convice you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."
"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand time I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"
"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept--as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!"
And so I started to cry. The tears welled up and then gushed miserably down my cheeks.
"How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."
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